Yes, this photo has been 'doctored', but it was for the sake of my neighbours. These little guys make a habit of visiting my yard. The garden planting is by trial and error, but I don't mind sharing my plants with them a little. Especially when one regularily comes to have a rest in my yard, hardly 20 feet away, while I am out having lunch and reading! Sometimes she needs a break too.

Well, I guess I have to be careful what I talk about! Yesterday I posted about Resolution and Change, and then went outside to shovel snow. As I was about half done the job a truck pulls up and out comes a real estate agent to post a huge SOLD sign across the street ........ smack dab in the middle of my precious view! I hadn't even known the property was for sale.

Well .... being human ...... my first reaction was to run over and yell at him .... but being the well trained 'nice' person I am, I gained control of myself in time to remember that this is a very small town and I have to live here. So I took out my anger on the snow shovel instead (and probably lost a pound or two in the process). Also being the daughter of a town planner, I finally calmed down and remembered that if there are condos going up across the street, the value of my property goes up, and that progress comes to us wherever we are. It also brought a stronger determination (or resolution perhaps) that the next step is 40 acres with a lake view and then I'm not budging! Well, not for a few years anyway.

It brings about some very troubling feelings though. I am a nature lover, and if you haven't figured that out yet, you haven't really been reading my posts. So one of my ways of refilling the well is to take a cup of something warm to drink and sit in my living room window and watch what is going on. That particular spot of land is teeming with birds and deer. It is a favourite short-cut to the Trans Canada Trail for dog-walkers, skidoo riders, all terrain vehicles, and a playground for all the kids and dogs in the neighbourhood. I walk it in the summer and pick my fill of saskatoons from the many bushes there. I watch the leaves budding in the spring, the wild roses blooming, the changing colours of fall, the silhouette of barren branches, and the snow outlining them in the winter. I watch the deer come and browse, have a snooze, and mosey on.  I watch the birds flitting about from bush to branch, hear them singing, and hear the new-borns  squawking to be fed. I pick dried weeds and colourful leaves for my tabletop, and I take pictures of absolutely everything. I can see into the distance to snow capped peaks, and hear the river running on a quiet summer morning. I am going to miss it terribly when all I see are other people's windows and doors.

But on the other hand - I know that others want to enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of a small town. I know they want somewhere to come and relax, away from the hustle of large cities. I know, because that is what brought me here. I understand that increased population brings a more stable economy; a larger tax base; new businesses. It means more work for the people who live here, and a more comfortable life. It will make mine more comfortable in some ways too. But where is the tipping point? When does it turn from what you wanted, to what you don't want - what you wanted to get away from?

I wonder how the birds and animals will respond. Certainly the deer will wander through the streets regardless. They see no boundaries now (except a few 8 foot fences). The birds will dwindle as the food bearing bushes disappear. The chipmunks and squirrels may be audacious enough to persist in making a home in the neighbourhood, but life for them will be more difficult - more dangerous - as ours becomes easier.

So I have resolved myself to the fact that my view will change. My life will change. Some for the better, some not. Time moves on, and there are only so many things we have any control over, so like the birds and animals, I will just have to get used to it.

Here I am at the edge of the water again! Can't stay away.

The flow is very still here at the edge, and the leaves tend to get caught up on the rock. Some make it past, and continue their journey, but some do not. They get caught by the stillness and end up staying until they give up and sink to the bottom. Sometimes people too, get caught in the eddies of life and let it weigh them down - moving no further on the journey. That is it - they settle in and stay. But the gifts they have to give can be just as important there as anywhere else. Just as the nutrients leaves redeposit in the stream is just as useful to the earth there, as it is anywhere on the planet.

This time of year everyone is talking about New Year's Resolutions. Have you made yours yet? I haven't ... never do. I have a general plan of what I want to do this coming year, but I don't put it all down in writing for New Years. Instead, I go over my previous year on my birthday. To me, December 31st is just an arbitrary day picked by someone 'way back when' to be the year end. People in some countries celebrate it at a different time; generations before us have celebrated at a different time; generations after us may well do the same - who knows. For me it doesn't seem to hold much meaning. It is nice to get together with friends and celebrate all at the same time, but I think of my years in terms of birthdays. That, I know for certain, was a 'real' time delineation for me specifically. When my birthday comes around time is taken to sit back and ponder the year I have lived. Was it a year where I did what I had desired to do, and if not-why not? Then I go from my past activity to my desired future and consider whether what I have done will lead me along the path towards it. As things are completed and I get closer to goals, the goals get stretched farther ahead - increased in size - expanded - bells and whistles added. (There are quite a few bells and whistles these days, as I have had a few years of life to add them!)  One thing I don't do is consider my weight or what kind of physical shape I am in, as that is a lifestyle choice that I have to consider day by day.  But so many people do - they vow to lose 20 pounds or 'get in shape' or get more exercise, and then by February they have forgotten it all and are back to their usual routine and disappointed in themselves because they didn't keep it up. And for me, the routine is the key. If I can change my routine so that I am doing something beneficial as part of the day to day activities, I will succeed. Perhaps it won't be a huge change,  but I will make a change, and as my actions become routine, I pump up the volume! Add a little more of what I want to do. At least then, when life comes to its closing for me here on this planet, I will know that I worked on it as best I was able. Perhaps the 'big picture' of life is not looking as rosy as it was dreamed, but none of us are perfect and sometimes those dreams are not really our own, so I don't beat myself up, I just keep working on it.

Like the fallen leaf floating down the stream that gets caught up in an eddy for a while before it is released to continue on its path towards the sea, I sometimes get caught up in the swirling eddies of life. I think I am moving forward but find, when looking closely, that I am in pretty much the same place I was quite some time ago. It may be a nice place, but it may not be where I want to stay forever. So, for me, that signals time to shake things up. To change something. Sometimes it is big things - like moving to a different town or leaving my job - sometimes it is small things like drinking herbal teas instead of coffee all day long. Just doing something differently to start the momentum moving in a different direction helps. Continually taking a bunch of little steps seems to help when the big ones come along - they don't feel quite so traumatic and unsettling because change is a constant process in my life. When you consider it, change is constant in nature too and a very natural process. It brings expansion and growth.

So.........the next tiny change I have to make is to remember to put 2008 on everything I write!

May 2008 be fantastically rewarding for you in every way you desire!
                              Best Wishes for the New Year!

If you have read any of my other pages anywhere, you may recognize the tree grouping. It is the view outside my window and it never ceases to attract my eye. I have no idea why, but I love those trees. They are ever changing through the seasons and I am drawn to them. I would love to paint them, but they speak out for oils and it has been many years since I have worked with oil paint. Maybe one day I will summon the courage to try.

There was another light dusting of snow last night. The clouds are low, there is fog off the river adding to it, and the patterns of the trees are dark, lacy silhouettes - like delicate coral branches against a grey-light ocean where distance is distorted and the world seems very small and comforting. It is the kind of day where you feel like maybe, just maybe, you can handle it if you just keep taking one step at a time. The sounds are muffled, the light is subdued, not harsh and blinding, and the world is soft and white with its new coating of powdery snowflakes - and if you move just as softly and quietly yourself, perhaps you can sneak into a spot on the next rung without too much clamour and 'to-do' about it. Just slowly slide past all your internal critics and find a comfortable spot on the next level to roost for a while until you are ready to move on.

The sun is trying its best to burn through the layering of cloud, and has created a light halo around the tops of the trees - a glowing aura - and with its warmth, more fog rises from the cold water of the river. There have been icy chunks flowing down lately from higher up in the mountains where the cold snap we had froze most everything that it touched. With the rise in temperature, some of the ice has broken away to drift on its way to the ocean gradually diminishing its chunkiness as it flows into warmer climes.

Today is a day for confining myself to the snug comfort of my lair and getting busy. Time to put my house in order and create something new. I have rearranged my furniture and things hanging on my walls, I have sorted and organized, I have made it a comfy place to be, now is the time to create. To sow the seeds and tend them so when spring comes I will be ready to bring them out into the light of day and let them grow. Take advantage of the soft comfort nature brings and let a few of my own icy chunks of resistance diminish with the warmth.

..... after I shovel the snow from the sidewalk of course!

Reds for the bows and balls, greens for the tree and holly and blues for the feelings many of us go through at Christmas time because of the expectations we place on ourselves and others. The ineptitude we feel when we cannot live up to our expectations for ourselves, and the disappointment we feel when others do not live up to our expectations of them are not intended to be a part of the Christmas spirit --- but they are all too frequently.

We are expected, and we ourselves usually desire, to gather family and friends together, to enjoy their company and wish them good cheer. But for many of us the distances we would have to travel make it near impossible - or the very least, make it expensive in time and cash. Add that to the expectation of having the "perfect" gift for everyone on our list, and the resultant feeling is stress, not cheer.

The image of family and friends gathered around the fire drinking eggnog and opening gifts is a lovely image, but not so easy to accomplish these days. The gathering urge goes back to when tribes would settle in for winter in one spot and help each other by sharing the food they had put away. They would pass on ancient stories  and discuss the years' happenings. In doing so, it was a learning time, a time for friendship renewal, and a time for saying thank you for all they were blessed with. In Victorian times people usually lived within a few days sleigh ride from the place they were born; they could go out and haul home a tree from the forest nearby; they knew all their neighbours and could gather together and sing carols. Such is not the case now. Families are spread around the globe, the trees are protected from being cut in most places, and the majority of your neighbours are strangers. So what do you do to make it feel like Christmas?

Well, for each person it is different, but the source of the Christmas spirit must be unearthed first, and then catered to. If the source of your spirit comes from attending midnight mass or singing carols - then make sure you do that. Even if you have to go alone, there will be plenty of others to share the spirit with once you are there.  If it is gathering the family for the Christmas meal and sharing stories - volunteer to serve to the homeless and listen to some new stories for a change ( now that you know Uncle Ernie's by heart!), or help put together Christmas hampers. Share the abundance you have in some way. If your spirit source came from hauling home the tree - look for a nearby farm that holds sleigh rides and join in the fun. Gather round the fire for cocoa after, to warm the body and the soul. Arrange an outdoor adventure of some kind - go skating, tobogganing, cross country skiing.... and share the camaraderie afterwards. Whatever it was that held the enjoyment of Christmas - find it, and do it.


For me, the spirit source came from the family gathering - putting aside all the other concerns for the day and sharing games and jigsaw puzzles and friendship in front of the fire.... gathering together to cook the meal and sharing the abundance. When I am not with family, that is what I draw on. I put away all my other concerns for the day and just BE. I find a cosy spot and do a jigsaw puzzle - I call friends and family on the phone, or connect with them on the computer, I make myself a good meal to enjoy, maybe go for a walk in the snow, and just take the day to be a human being - nothing more, nothing less - just be a human marvelling at life.

Outside, the snow is falling. The world has become very immediate and enclosed. A soft hush. It is time to withdraw to the inner world, find the warmth within you.

Rest, replenish, review, re-organize. Then, when spring arrives you will be full of vital energy and ready to grow and expand in new directions.

Miracle Beach, Oyster River, Vancouver Island B.C.

This is where you will find me often - at the water's edge.

What do you do when you are feeling out of sync with the world? When you are feeling upset, frustrated or hurt do you have a particular routine you follow to get out of the funk? Do you have a special place you go?

I am usually at the water's edge - somewhere. Doesn't matter if it is stream, river, lake, ocean or pond - that is where I go. Water seems to have such a life to it - continuous activity around it - it is sustenance to life itself in so many forms, and seems to sustain me as well. Not just in being able to drink it, but a soulful sustenance.

If you are watching a stream or river, there is always activity that changes. Leaves fall in and get swept away - caught in eddies to swirl around in pointless circles for a while, then suddenly for no apparent reason are cast free to float further down the path to the lake. Small birds land on a rock for a drink, or hop down in to bathe, sometimes with a partner standing watch for enemies. Then there are dippers that get right in and hunt for their meal. Ducks and swans float along, sleek muskrats or otters are winding their way along checking out anything that interests them. Eagles sit with their trained eye focused, their body alert, waiting for the next meal. Or, turtles just soaking up the sun on a log. There is always something going on. There is a world outside of me.

This activity takes my mind away from the humdrum of my own life - from any upsets or exasperations. The rhythmical lapping of waves soothes my soul. The opportunity to focus on things of interest outside of myself is what helps to bring my challenges into perspective. No matter whether water is of any importance to you, there needs to be some 'thing' or 'place' that means something. Find that place, that routine, and make it a part of your existence on a regular basis. It lifts you up to see a different view of your own life. Connect with something outside of yourself.